Small Steps Forward

Angela Muses, Ruminations, Self 0 Comments

“It’s worth making time to find the things that really stir your soul. That’s what makes you really feel alive. You have to say ‘no’ to other things you’re used to, and do it with all your heart.”Roy T. Bennett

What the shit, guys… It’s April already! And! AND!!! It’s almost the END of April!

This year is already flying past at an alarming rate! And I have successfully avoided many of the tasks I’ve set out for myself. What is wrong with me, you ask? Well, buddy, I’m still asking myself this damn question, so your guess is as good as mine! Although, to be fair, I have a good idea…

I talk a big game but do not always have the best follow through. Usually, though, I can at least find the see-it-through-bug and get it to give me a little nibble so I can knuckle down and finish the shit out of whatever task I’ve set for myself.

Lately, I just cannot do that. I have started or attempted to start many things and have not been able to see them through at all.

I blame winter.

Fuck.

You.

Winter.

Haha, I kid, but only a little… I actually do blame it a bit.

I get the winter blues something fierce, and this year was no different. By the time daylight savings rolled around I was full in on depression mode, and it wasn’t just from the weather. But with the longer days, earlier mornings, much later evenings, and a few other changes, my mood has been greatly improving.

You know how one day you wake up and you’re just ready for a change? Whatever it is you’ve been doing, it’s not working. You’ve reached a zenith of unsuccessfulness, a high point of unhappiness and that, as they say, is that. You get up and start making that change. Big, small, doesn’t matter. A determined mind and one small step is all it takes.

I started off a few days ago. I woke up and that was indeed that. I was (and have been) beyond ready for a change. I was finally able to take that definitive first step forward. A deep spring clean is what I started off with. And boy did I CLEAN! I got rid of a shit ton (a fucking shit ton) of clothes, shoes, accessories, jewelry, useless junk, and who knows what else, in an attempt to de-clutter and make myself feel better. It’s been working for sure.

Nothing like cleaning to drive away depression, am’i’right?

I keep doing a little bit every couple of days and it’s been so stimulating to have things be clean and organized and to actually stay that way. It really does help the mood stay elevated. So energized I am!

Unfortunately, I’ve also been in a rather crummy mood the last week or so. I’ve been angry and then just sad. The loneliness is strong in me. God damn sadness. I’m fucking over you. OVER YOU, do you hear me!!!

In an attempt to banish that loneliness, I’ve been working really hard on finding things to do that are outside of the house. Classes, concerts, hanging with friends, things of that ilk. I found a class near me that instantly piqued my interest and knew I’d be attending.

Natural Remedies for Mental and Emotional Health was the class and while I do a lot of the things that were covered (taking baths, using essential oils, and doing yoga to name just a few), I learned a lot of new things as well in this short 2 hour class that I will be implementing and trying on for size.

A bit of the things we went over in class:

  • the importance of gut health and how it affects mood
  • finishing projects
  • making a calendar/notebook/planner/journal of all tasks/appointments/important things to help visualize and remember
  • the Chinese 5 element theory
  • color therapy
  • herbs and essential oils
  • a few other helpful ideas to help ease depression/anxiety/trauma/etc.

I left this class going “I need to finish my god damn projects. I need to work on my bullet journal. And I NEED to make that calendar I was gonna make ages ago.”

A few days after that class, I did a semi-deep clean of my car (holy shit, that thing really, really needed it. Don’t judge me. I still need to wash the seats and vacuum it good, but all the trash and useless stuff has been removed).

I was going through the trunk, when… WHAT HO?!… a most useful find!

I came across a calendar I made a few years ago when I used to be the lead teacher of the 2’s room at the early learning center I worked at.

I used my amazing creative prowess to make said calendar to teach the small childrens the days of the week, months, weather, shapes, colors, and numbers. I hand made almost everything, laminated that shit, stuck magnets to the back and bought a dry erase board upon which to stick it. When I left that job, I took it with me and it’s been riding around, forgotten, in my trunk ever since.

I took that baby inside, washed it down, and made it my own. While it’s not the 3 month calendar I was hoping to create, a quite large one month calendar is better than nothing and I tell you, I already feel more organized! Plus it’s fun crossing off the day when it’s over. I made an Important section and a To-Do section, as well, that I’m hoping will help me remember what needs getting done. Here’s what it looks like for April:

I feel the motivation returning to my bones!! Such simple things, but what an impact they’ve had already. It’s awakened my creative brain! In fact…

I mentioned oh so long ago that I was hoping to get into crocheting. I bought some yarn and a book and was going to teach myself how to do it. And it’s been sitting in my craft basket ever since.

For months and months…

Mocking me…

But not anymore!! For I found a beginner’s crochet class to take and I sure as hell took it!

It was a 2 hour class, I was one of 3 people and it was so much fun to finally start learning but also get that 1-on-1 direction. I must admit, I think I might get the hang of it quite quickly. It’ll take practice, for sure, but I think that I’ll be able to pick it up and get pretty good at it pretty fast. It makes me feel pretty damned good to work on something I said I was going to learn! We were going to learn how to make a coaster, but since we were all beginners, we spent the whole time learning the basics and practicing what we learned. So now it’s up to me, in my own time, to create that coaster…

I BELIEVE IN ME!!!

Well, that’s just a bit of what I’ve been up to and my mindset these past several months and in particular, these past few weeks.

I’ve got some fun little nuggets in the works coming up in the future:

  • I’m going to be working on my bullet journal like no other. Creative organization is key as I prepare for the month of May.
  • Yoga is going to be taken more seriously, including attending at least one yoga retreat and going to far more classes at actual studios. I want to take as many different kind of classes with as many different teachers as I can so I can get a better understanding of what I do and don’t like.
  • Meditation! I have not meditated in I don’t even know… so long. I want to start integrating it into my day again.
  • I’m 100% going to be taking more classes that follow along with all the fun bits I’m interested in (herb walks, lotion making, aromatherapy, natural first aid, and much more!)
  • I’m still going to be working on Ayurveda things, including improving my diet and I may, MAY, try my hand at sequential eating.
  • Since it’s officially spring and the weather is finally getting a teensy bit warmer, I am going to be heading to the out of doors much more frequently. Hiking, fishing, camping, outdoor yoga, biking! You name it, there’s a possibility I’m doing it!

May will be a new start with some damned conviction, so stay tuned if ya want to see what I get my hands into and if I’m as determined later as I am now!

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